Consequences of divorce

If you are in an unhealthy relationship that is detouring to divorce, you are seeking ways to save a marriage that will be helpful and beneficial to you and your spouse.  It is time that you stick up for your primary decision to marry your husband or your wife and really look back on those great times, those perfect moments that truly made you marry that person.

If you are in situation where you are about to walk away from your spouse, it is better to work out why you are here today, meaning find the reason why your relationship is not working. It is said that over 70% of the reason why couples argue is because of money.

There are a number of ways to save a marriage, but you must first begin with knowing what the root of the problem is and how much you are willing to sacrifice to make it work. There are some relationships that are worth not saving, like an abusive relationship that is really taking a toll in your life, but if they are just disagreement and character issues that you are dealing with, you will definitely be able to learn ways to save a marriage that will really help you during these difficult times.

One of the best ways to save a marriage is going to marriage retreats with your partner. There you will be able to learn the core values of a marriage all over again and really learn what your partner is like. You will have a chance to speak to a marriage counselor while also doing things with your partner that will help exercise the marriage.

If you are both willing to fix it, you will be able to learn effective ways to save a marriage without having to go to your last resort of divorce and then having to start all over with someone else.

Advertisements

The causes of Divorce

Why do people love each other and get married and later they decide to divorce? Well, On this post,  I am going to talk about the three major reason that causes divorce. Of course there are  variety reasons, finance problem, emotional problem etc… But isn’t that what people worry even before the marriage?

First problem, communication. In order to make in simple, lets consider family is a ship and sailors are family members, then you will understand that it is important to communicate with everyone involved. Things need to happen when sailing and commands must be clear, timely, and acted upon. If there is a problem with marriage, and if you try to keep your mouth shut and worry about it, it is never going to be solved. In fact, few weeks ago when I was doing Sociology debate on marriage, I found out that people consider communication as the most important factor in marriage!!!

Second problem, finance. The most common case is when spoouse spends too much money without telling the partner. Couples who are relatively successful with their finances are less likely to argue and thus head towards divorce. There are some cases where the couples love each other so much, if they do not have enough money to sustain their own lives, unfortunately, the only way they can choose is divorce. 

Third problem, cheating! Some marriages are able to survive, but many of them don’t, so this is the reason why it is known as one of the leading casuses of divorce. In my case, I consider cheating as a thing which you should never do because no matter who was involved for how long and why, because it definitely causes pain to the other partner.

Advantages of divorce

The feelings popularly expected to be associated with a divorce are those of regret, sorrow, shock, sympathy and what not. People mostly tend to forget that a divorce is basically a remedial measure, mostly resorted to with the intention of improving the quality of life of the individuals concerned. Hence, what is considered to be a calamity may, in fact, be a way to happiness and liberation.

While tying the nuptial bonds, we rarely expect our marriage to end up in a fiasco. In fact, the word marriage is somewhat considered to be synonymous with love, joy, bliss, warmth, peace, etc. No married person ever looks forward to his or her own divorce. Yet, we will have to bear with the sad reality that marriages do occasionally end in divorces and what is even more astonishing is that the results often prove to be salubrious and wholesome. Contrary to the conventional mindset, a divorce could sometimes have valid advantages, depending upon the situation and circumstances of the individuals concerned.

Not all the marriages turn out to be happy and blissful. Things may go contrary to the wishes and expectations of one or both the spouses and their marriage may prove to be sour and lousy. People sometimes get trapped in unbearable marital situations. Nuptial bonds occasionally end up being so claustrophobic that they hamper the happiness and well-being of an unsuspecting spouse. Life partners sometimes turn out to be abusive and control freaks and, in such hopeless and sometimes life threatening situations, a divorce may be the only way out.

Given a chance, nobody wants his or her married life to be a frustrating conundrum. Yet, sometimes, despite the best efforts and intentions on the part of a person, his or her married life may turn out to be a miserable short story, threatening to end up in disaster and sorrow. In such a situation, a divorce gives an individual the much-coveted chance to begin again with a clean slate and start a fresh chapter in life.

Many a time, spouses come to realize after their marriage that both of them are utterly incompatible and that their marriage is marred by countless irreconcilable differences. It is not uncommon for married people to come across individuals whom they find very attractive and compatible, but are unable to proceed any further because of being stuck with an unhappy marriage. Under such circumstances, a divorce may give a person the chance to begin a new relationship with someone he or she had secretly admired all these years.

Bachelorhood is marked by a predominating sense of freedom and independence. An unmarried person is, to a great extent, the master of his or her own destiny and is not susceptible to any unwanted emotional influences or domestic responsibilities. Life is primarily a give-and-take affair. Most often, we willingly give up our youthful freedom to enter a marital arrangement, which we ardently expect to be satisfying and fulfilling in the long run. However, things may often turn out to be contrary to what we expect. In such a situation, a divorce gives us an opportunity to reclaim our life and to be our own boss once again.

A certain degree of freedom and space is vital to make way for personal growth and development in relationships. However, very often we come across circumstances where marital responsibilities become so overbearing that they deprive a person of his or her basic rights and liberties. Instead of being a source of peace and equanimity, a marriage becomes a reason for stress and tension. The things may deteriorate to an extent that the individual concerned may get overwhelmed with a sense of being trapped. In such a situation, a divorce may prove to be really helpful in restoring a person’s individual freedom and personal space.

All the adult relationships like marriage do have a financial side also. People do share and sacrifice their incomes and material assets to ensure the well-being of their families. Circumstances may give rise to scenarios where an individual may feel that he or she is not getting the expected satisfaction and attention which they deserve for their financial contribution to the family. In such a situation, a divorce certainly enables that person to get out of such unfair deal.

Thus, we see that many a time a divorce turns out to be a blessing, if the individual is yearning for a way out of an unhappy and unfair marital relationship.

What you can do to stop your divorce

Do you want to solve problems between you and your partner without getting divorced? Do you your kids to be loved from both you and your partner? Well, if you do, you surely want to read this blog post because today I am going to suggest you some ideas of how to stop getting divorced.

Communication, the most important thing in the marriage, will make it possible to resolve problems. Keep communicate with your partner. Each of you will have to be part of the decision making process and share risks so that you can build stronger bonds. At this point, you will have to listen to your partner’s suggestions or solutions very carefully and try not to make any other disagreement or collision.

In addition to this, (I consider this as the most important solution), be ready for change. Getting divorced is means you are having too many problems therefore you will not be able to stop  unless you and your partner get changed, rather than expect things to stay the same you should expect things to shift and change. You have to be willing to constantly monitor your relationship and re – negotiate when a shift happens.the success of a long-term marriage depends most of all on the effort partners are willing to put into it. The difference between a relationship that works well and those that don’t is the amount of tender loving care that is put into it by both sides.

 

Divorce in trend

What is the divorce rate in America? Well, according to a research, although it is not 100% sure, the result showed that it is 40% or even 50% of marriages will end in divorce and they are still in trend.

If we look at America in 1950, the number of divorces per 1,000 women above age of 15 was 5, then in 2008, it had changed to 20 which is four times higher. But why is divorcement is in trend these days? Well, I think it is because people don’t consider marriage as holy and important thing anymore. In past, although the husband wife didn’t like each other, they consider living together is their responsibility. All they got to do was focus on their own role, but for now, people started to . In addition to this, people often didn’t consider love s a significant thing.

For example, my grandparents got married by their parents and until now, they do not like each other but still living. They are doing what they are suppose to do, for instance, my grandmother prepares food and my grandfather works in a company. They say that long time ago, it was common for lots of people who got married without any affection. They sometimes married because of money, fame or relationship.

 

My friend’s story

Last time, we talked about the effects of parent’s divorce on children. Since people who gets divorce increases, I had several friends whose parents got divorced too. And today, I want to talk about one of them.

Her name was ‘Zoe’, from America and we got to know each other during 2 weeks of school trip to Czech Republic. Her parents got divorced when she was seven, due to the fact that he was addicted to alcohol. During two weeks of the trip, I noticed that she was having lots of scars in her mind and very affected by divorcements of her parents. I remember her saying that she never feels cold because when she was six, she was sleeping in bed and her dad, who was totally drunken, thought that she was a doll, threw her away outside from second floor. However she was alive because of snow which acting like a cushion saved her life.

Since seven, she didn’t get enough love and attention from her parents and this led to changes in her personality. When she was with friends, she always wanted to get attention from them, and if she could not, she was was cutting her self with a knife so that she can make others worry so that she could get attention.

I think everything depends on parents. Child’s personality, future, and even appearance! Of course if children get too much love and care, they becomes so selfish, but if there is lack of love, they often come up with symptoms like Zoe. I understand that although people don’t know what is going to happen, they should be considering deeply before they get a baby and before they get divorced, they should be asking question to themselves,  ‘can I be fully responsible for my child’s future? am I really making the right decision?’.

Effects of parents’ divorce on children

Most of the times, when parents divorce, there are huge effects on children and it is something that parents must worry about. However, most of the times, parents don’t have a clear idea of what exactly the psychological effects of divorce on their children may be.  So today, I prepared some of the effects that children get emotionally. (However, before reading it, you have to remember that they are potential effects, some apply to certain age groups more than others, and the extent of the emotional effects depends on a number of factors).

Fearful of being abandoned

From child’s perspective, the fact that a parent is no longer at home makes them feel abandoned. Children may be deeply afraid that the other parent is going to “disappear” too and leave them alone someday.

Rejected

Children of divorce may feel rejected and unloved by the parent who has left.

Powerless

Sometimes, some children blame themselves about their parents’ divorce, so they try to be a better child, or believe they have the power to wish their parents back again. However when they notice that they cannot make a difference, they often feel powerless.

Sad

Children of divorce may feel a huge sense of loss and sadness, believing that the absent parent has gone forever and that they no longer have a family.

Stressed

During divorce, children may feel stressed and under pressure. Often, they are eager to help out and seem “grown up,” they may hide how stressed they really are.

Lonely

Children of divorce may feel lonely. Lots of times, they miss the intimacy, comfort and particular parenting skills of the absent parent. The parent at home may be so stressed out with their own problems that they are not available to their children. The loneliness they feel may seek intimacy and comfort elsewhere, or become withdrawn.

Depressed

Depression is not a direct emotional effect of divorce but a second stage, linked to other several emotions link to divorce such as sadness, loneliness, feeling rejected. Depression is a sign that children have not received the support they need to cope with these emotions.

Angry

Anger is a common emotional effect of divorce caused by lack of understanding or acceptance of the divorce, specific events and changes, emotions that children are not equipped to manage or express, and so on.

Those are the common effects that we can see from parents’ divorce. Therefore, I think what really important is constant love from parents